Feb 082014
 

I’ve been reading a lot of thought-provoking posts on blogs lately. They are all incredibly amazing writers with many offering candid, revealing truths.  So, I wanted to offer this confessional that I just couldn’t allow to burn within my inner being another second.

These writers have inspired me to keep pushing the envelope. To continually think outside of the box and reach for all that is possible. Being an incredibly private person I’ve often left a lot of my personal life in safe concealment out of a long-standing ingrained mechanism of self-preservation.

An enlightenment occurred as I began to share my non-fictional writing in a public forum a year and a half ago. They liked me, right now, they really liked me! All two of them. I soooo wanted to high-five Sally Field with the mutual bond she and I now had.  I had written creative true life stories all of my life but now, sharing them openly, was becoming incredibly cathartic.

Which leads me to taking you down a far different path in this missive than you’re used to from this guy. To unabashedly reveal to you how imperfect I can be at any given moment just as I was on this particular occasion. It was a Saturday evening as I sat at home pondering any and all possible plans. I had reflected recently that life was flying by at mach speed and I needed to make some changes.

It was time to board the Crazy Train and see where it might take me. To do something obscenely against the rules. To think outside the box and take some chances. I would, for once, dismiss any worry about what judgment might be passed upon me by friends, family or co-workers. IF I got caught. I shotgunned my first beer then slammed another using my bare wrist to smugly wipe away the drops of suds that were left dripping off of my lips. With that courage juice I felt a pat on the back from Anheuser-Busch that told me tonight I could be my own Clydesdale.

I was going to channel my inner Joel. Sometimes you have to say, what the fuck…

Risky-Business2

I looked at my faithful Golden Retriever, Phoenix. My best friend and companion of 10 1/2 years now. Standing regally and loyally next to me, always my protector. The soothing feeling I have always known that he will maintain my confidence, privacy and secrets forever. Yet again he offered me his usual reassurance here:

Phoenix

Phoenix, “I will throw you under the bus the first chance I get…”

Past My Curfew has always been what I consider a PG site. Family friendly and something Disney no doubt has wished they could model a fun park after. But, the Blogger Rating Guild has deemed this specific post to be Rated R. I ask please, that you have the children leave the room until you have finished reading from this point on. It’s just not appropriate for young, impressionable eyes. 

Ok…let’s jump right in…

RatedR

That’s right. Poultry gone wild. It was an orgy that was so naughty and fowl. Completely naked, telling me I could do anything I wanted to them.Raw Chicken

They enticed me to bathe them at the Le Buttermilk Spa. Their subtle groans of delight made my pulse quicken.Chicken Buttermilk Soak

Adding to the fervor they requested a delightful full body dredge containing various aphrodisiacs. My clothing all of sudden seemed restrictive.Dredge

They relaxed and murmured while basking amongst themselves. Passing secrets back and forth just within earshot of my already overwhelmed thoughts.

Chicken Prepped

My blood was pumping with adrenalin when they chose to go hot tubbing. Giggling, squealing and shouting that they were going to be the best sizzling goodness I had ever experienced. Their estrous cycles had become an orchestrated sin to send me over the edge. This was my first time ever and I was giddy as a school boy.Chicken Frying

Sweet Baby Ray came to the party next, followed by a hot seductress from the Ranch. Lastly was the ever wanting Ms Honey Mustard who made eye contact with me. We both felt the instant chemistry. We wanted each other badly. She whispered softly in my ear, “I’m going to be a party in your mouth, baby…”Sauces

They all went to the table encouraging me to join in as the excitement of adolescent years gone by stirred inside of my soul. The inside of my mouth became warmer and wetter. I began licking my lips with anticipation, nostrils flaring, weak to deny myself of what all the innuendoes had built up within me.Header

I could no longer resist the temptation. The wanting looks. The sexy winks. Yes, this would be my night. My first time chicken stripping.Last

For those who have followed me, you know I often give shout outs to other bloggers to thank them for all of their support to Phoenix and I. Today my big thank you goes to my blogger friend,  Kristi. She reminded me of being in the moment and hence inspired this very post.

She shares the most fascinating stories on her blog relating to her family, life experiences and every emotion across the spectrum. What will truly move you are her thoughts, emotions and experiences with her adorably cute son, Tucker. Click on over to Finding Ninee and discover the magic yourself! Thank you so much for all of your kindness and support, Kristi!

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Mike Vogler

I have been told (many times) that I really need to write a book about my life. The past 40+ years have been an exciting ride, and these days I find myself with a great many passions. However, I feel that this website is a much more personal way with which to share my musings, stories, commentary, and (of course) my greatest love... my Golden Retriever, Phoenix.

  110 Responses to “My First Time Chicken Stripping”

  1. Lol! That was funny.. dirty chicken. I liked all who joined the party. Asian twins, sweet and sour would have been yummy!

  2. Ha ha!!! This was very good and very funny! Love all the discriptions! Like Kelly’s idea about the Asian twins! Looks delish!

  3. This was awesome! Very funny, descriptive and entertaining :-). Great job Mike!! I can’t wait to see more of this.

  4. LOL. Seriously, Dude, out loud. It’s almost 1:00 a.m. here in the nation’s 50th state. I was reading this in bed and had to leave the room so I wouldn’t wake up my husband—-because he would have asked me what was sooo funny and then I would have had to try to explain this post. He might not have been as amused. He can be cranky when woken up because of an R (pushing the envelope of X) blog post about a mild mannered civil servant getting it on with chicken. I hope you don’t hear from Child Protective Services since your activity appears to have taken place in front of a 10.5 year old’— and don’t think the “dog years” defense is gonna fly—not even in Nevada. (Before I was a self anointed travel blogger, I was a lawyer. I know these things).

    • You didn’t get our postcard from where we reside in Bhutan now, Suzanne? Phoenix doesn’t have your cell#, does he? *ahem* 🙂

  5. Mmmmmm, now I want fried chicken! Too funny!

    • Fried foods always comfort what ails us. I’m so kidding. At least the thought helps! We hope you are recovering and feeling better Jessica 🙂

  6. Oh Mike, you score a huge 10 on this one! Literally LOLed and woke up Daisy! Well, how was it after all the wonderfully descriptive seduction? Love to you both my friend! <3

    • It was amazing, Sarah! I would coat the chicken a bit better but for making it my first time ever I did I a’wright 🙂 Love ya back! 🙂

  7. You’re very funny — and your photos look great! You’re practically ready for your own chef show on TV! :o)

    • I would be totally down with that, Darcy! Except who would want to watch it with a Golden Retriever stealing the show? Oh… 🙂

  8. Mike so funny!!! I was taken in by the Rating!!!! I am so glad you are you!!! Hugs

    Carrie

  9. you crack me up… Love this post!

  10. I don’t know if I would call my blog thought provoking or not. I don’t care but I like to blog.
    At one time I had my blog rate and end with PG simple I use the term knife not in violent way. I’ve ran into a few male bloggers. Which I find there posting interesting . One might say I fine men easier to deal with.
    Nice dog. I came in from bloppy blog on facebook…Coffee is on

    • Male bloggers are much easier to deal with. We love women! See how easy that was, Dora? I went over to your blog and if you can add a Name/URL option I will absolutely leave a comment! 🙂

  11. This is SO much fun, Mike, and hilarious to read. And also I find it completely amazing and very fitting that your very first R-Rated post is somehow attributed to Kristi. Perfect 😀

    Kudos to you for this.

    • Ayeee!! No, no, no! Kristi inspired me to be myself and be in the moment. The Rated R was entirely me. Epic lost in translation. Off to the Principal’s office to get my detention sentence. I’m so glad you liked it, Lizzi! That is a huge compliment 🙂

      p.s. In all fairness, Kristi did post a video of her grasping her left you-know-where. Chicken strips have nothing on that 🙂

    • Oh yeahh our Kristi’s good for the totally unapologetic “Yeah, so I just grabbed my crotch on camera…and WHAT?!” 😉

      I love what you did with this, anyway. And impressed at just HOW sensual you managed to write it…cos, it’s COOKING, yaknow 😀

      No detention needed 😀

    • Cooking can and should be so very sinful don’t ya think, Lizzi? 🙂 I really want to learn how to take a video of Phoenix and I (like a meet and greet) then figure out how to resize it and post it. Technological genius I am not 🙂

  12. Hilarious! Sometimes you just have to say what the fuck…this works for you!

    I don’t think I’ve ever checked out your site before, so I’m gonna hop around a bit 🙂

    • LOL I don’t know if this works for me or not but I’m glad I made you laugh, Rhonda! Hope you come back another day! 🙂

  13. So well written, Mike! You have a calling to write erotic recipes 🙂 Hilarious.

    • Oh lordy I don’t about that, Lisa lol! But, I would sure give it a go if there was a calling for it. Thank you our friend! 🙂

  14. That video is ridiculous! Haha! And great descriptions… some very interesting visuals!

    • I was definitely trying to have some fun and do something different, Colleen. I sure appreciate your compliments and it’s so awesome to hear from you! 🙂

  15. SO funny. Chicken. LOL. Shaking my head.

  16. Mike! First this video gave me the laugh for the day! You should add a page to your blog and call it Recipes… But, with a twist! Love how you wrote this recipe! You’re a great writer making even chicken sounding sexy! Loved that post!

    • Thank you so very much, Rita! Coming from a real writer that is so incredibly appreciated. I will likely get back to our regularly scheduled programming 🙂

  17. You made me choke on my smoothie! Hilarious. And give Phoenix a pat from Downunder.

    • Yikes, I didn’t intend to make you choke, Caz! Pat given from you. I am glad you liked it 🙂

  18. What a lot of talents you are revealing here, Mike. Thank you for sharing:)

    • Thank you so much, Mette! It’s probably half talent, half being a little looney ha, ha. Life is so short so I gotta make it fun 🙂

  19. Very Funny. Glad you put yourself out there. I wonder – did you hesitate before hitting the publish button 🙂

    • I’m glad it made you laugh! Oh yes I was absolutely white-knuckling the keyboard, Jan! But, I keep taking chances and so far, so good 🙂

  20. Ha! You were in a mood, weren’t you?! I suspect Phoenix was rolling his eyes while you wrote this one. Super clever!

    • It was a lot of fun to do! Gosh yes Phoenix was eyerolling me, but he does that frequently ha, ha! 🙂

  21. Oooooooo such naughty chicken 😉 That was a fun post, but I do have to admit homemade chicken strips are pretty dang good.

    • This was yet another cooking sample saying to myself, “Why didn’t I make these before?” Thank you, Jeri 🙂

  22. That did give me a big belly laugh! Here I was getting all set for a hugely emotional read when instead I got a good old chuckle! I may never look at chicken the same way again 🙂

    • I’m glad it gave you a good laugh! I thought I would give the ol’ redirectpost a try and see what happened, Becc 🙂

  23. This post wasn’t what I was expecting at all – and that’s not to say that I didn’t love it for I did. But I thought you were going to take me from a feathered chicken to the end result that we’re ready to slide down our throats. I was expecting intestines and pin feathers, goupy guts and a first time look at how to dress a chicken. Maybe another day when you have time on your hands.

    • LOL…you just made ME laugh hysterically! I sooo have the giggles that you thought I was going to clean a chicken. I still have a couple of more hours to go and this comment is going to keep me smiling the entire time. Thank you, Leigh! 🙂

  24. DUDE. I was completely captivated from the initial stripper chicken because hello to captivating, hilarious, nerve-wracking and um I cannot COOK well until I try in which case I rock but I never try these days…
    I cannot tell you how impressed that I am too that you are smart enough to realize that any chicken thing that involves easily picked up means that SAUCE is key. Dude you rock that you did the sauce.
    And thank you so much for the shout out. It is YOU and Phoenix who are amazing! For realz.

    • You are very welcome and deserving the shout out and so much more, Kristi. Phoenix and I are very blessed to have found you as our friend. It was a lot of fun to try something different or I should say in a different way. I appreciate your compliments always! 🙂

  25. Hi Mike, Thanks for this Nice post But to be honest with you ! I really don’t like Chicken But it’s really nice summary for Chicken Stripping as first time ! I do understand first time experience 🙂 so great it 🙂

    • Thank you for the compliment, Disha! You can do something very similar with fish or just be creative with whatever you like! Obviously these were skillet fried but with a deep fryer you could do anything! Great for you to stop by 🙂

  26. Well look at you! Quite a daring (for you) post and I EFFING LOVED IT!!! I was grinning the whole read! Great job. You should do this more often. Write in the moment. No thinking….just GO.

    MWA XOXO (<<< I believe you and Phoenix requested that.)
    🙂

    • I’m so glad you liked it, Beth. You are MOST DEFINITELY one of my top inspirational writers as well as I’ve shared with you. Or at least I think you got those messages. I will keep pushing on 🙂

  27. Haha! I totally enjoyed that post, Mike. That was such a fun read and here I thought I was getting uncomfortable in your opening paragraphs 🙂 Very clever way and those chicken fingers look delicious. So, what was in the aphrodisiacs?

    • That’s just an awesome compliment, Mary, and thank you! The flour had seasoned salt in it. Pretty crazy stuff, huh? 🙂

  28. You hit this one out of the ballpark! Loved this post, Mike!

  29. This cracked me up. And now I want some chicken. This looks so tasty.

    • Another little tidbit is I put the extra one’s in the freezer and they heated up perfectly, Amber! 🙂

  30. haha Mike, this was hilarious, first the title and then the start of the blog and then … the chicken recipe 🙂 fabulous writing. Totally loved this.

    • Thank you so much…definitely something I’m capable of writing (the risque’ part)…but publishing it publicly it is a whole different matter! It’s a yummy recipe btw, Freya! 🙂

  31. You are a very naught boy, Mike.

    Why do you continually entice us w/ your frying & breading & mouthwatering dirtiness?!

    And I like it, too.

    Kiss for Phoenix, you naAaaaaaaughty boy.

    • Well, when you put it that way, Kim. I shall continue on the same path LOL! I’m so glad you liked it and xoxo’s from Phoenix always for you! 🙂

  32. Oh, FUN!
    I love seeing a new side of a friend like this.
    It was clearly you who got stripped bare here,
    not the innocent chicken 🙂

    • LOL that is definitely a different side to me but far from stripped bare, Alison. We’ve only peeled back a few layers of the onion and I’m perfectly comfortable with that 🙂

    • I’m so glad it gave you a good laugh how wonderful to hear from you, Michelle! It was a different angle for me to go so it definitely threw a few people initially but it looks like it turned out well 🙂

  33. Love the chicken working the pole, Mike! Lol – too funny! And your chicken strips look like they turned out yummy.

    • Phoenix made me do it, Dana! Ok, none of the readers and especially you will ever believe that! I keep taking more of those chances, eh? 🙂

  34. LOL! the video at the beginning must have been the precursor to the article 🙂

    • I’m a little confused….did you read the post, Rachel? The video and it go together 🙂

    • Ok, I know the video and article go together.
      Probably it is my wrong use of the word ‘precursor’. I used the word precursor meaning to prepare or what to expectation. So what I meant is, the dancing ‘stripper’ chicken was like a preparation of what to expect in the post (a ‘salacious’ article on chicken stripping). 🙂

    • Oh gotcha, Rachel! Yes it most definitely was. We hope you’re having a great day! 🙂

  35. This is an awesome post – so far from the boring recipe brigade! I was giggling all the way through. You have a very clever way with words 🙂 You know what? I may even try to make this dish too – I wonder if the chicken will speak to me in the same way though 😉 !

    • I definitely tried to spice things up and offer something different, Johanna! Sorry the other one’s have been boring. I do try though. It’s really easy to make and if you like chicken strips these homemade ones are absolutely delicious! So wonderful to hear from you, our friend 🙂

  36. Whew, talk about Food Porn!:-) Haha, absolutely love what you did with this Mike, what a fun (and unexpected!) read! And inspirational to think outside the box and try new things…whether it’s a new writing style or a dish we’ve never cooked on a Saturday night.

    Thank you!

    • No, thank you Jess! I soooo appreciate the compliments and I will try more new stuff here and there. But, baby steps…:)

  37. If you left out the photos, your blog would have ceased to be rated PG! Excellent work, Mike, you have the talent to write erotica! hahahah

    • Ha, ha no kidding on the rating without the pictures, Aleah! I wonder how a person writes erotica that hasn’t already been written a 1000 different ways. Great to hear from you! 🙂

  38. Hahaha! Love the food as porn idea! 😀 You’re a talented writer and Phoenix is absolutely adorable. I’ll be back for more. Cheers!

    • I sure appreciate the writing compliment and even more so the Phoenix adoration. He is very cute and I thank you so much for saying that, Debbie. It definitely put chicken tenders in a whole new light ha, ha 🙂

  39. Those dirty birds! This is hilarious and absolutely riveting, Mike! Glad you commented on my post at Michelle’s today. Looking forward to following you (and Phoenix!) from now on.

    • I’m glad you enjoyed it, Nicole! I enjoyed your post very much and thank you so much for stopping by here as well. Have a fantastic day! 🙂

  40. Hahaha – very cute.

  41. oh you so had me going then!! I was scared to scroll down to see what was going to be R-Rated, and yet I so wanted to know….
    then bam! Those naked chicken strips got me….now I am hungry for crumbed Chicken thighs – with a sweet chilli sauce.
    So not fair how good you are with words 🙂

    • Wow, crumbled Chicken thighs with the sweet chili sauce sounds amazing, Lisa! I would love to try that 🙂

  42. Just proves you have a dirty mind:-)

  43. Ooh la la! You’re so dirty. 🙂 Well-written and so much fun. And the chicken strips look very tasty — which is very sexy to me.

    • LOL re: “Ooh la la!”…that made me laugh. I’m so jazzed you stopped by, Cathy! Thank you so much for the compliment and yes cooking can look and taste very sexy! 🙂

  44. Mike, you seem to have “scored” with this one!

    • How awesome for you to notice and mention that Suzanne! I’ve sure worked hard with this blog and the results have continued to improve. Silly melting pot that it is. It’s great to hear from you, our friend! 🙂

  45. Fabulous MIKE!! now I’m hungry.

  46. Party in my mouth….oh sweet sexy chicken legs. You’re on a roll Mr. This is outside of the box and it was hilarious. Need. Write. More. Of Chickens and the like.

    • Ya, I sure hit a “place” while writing this one for sure, Kim! I keep stretching my legs but sometimes I’m “there” and sometimes I’m not. I prefer the former 🙂 Thank you for your compliments…awesomesauce! 🙂

  47. So entertaining! LOL I will be thinking of this post when cooking my next meal, mentally making a creative writing exercise out of it!

    • It was fun for me too, Aimee. Right up to where folks want an encore. Talk about shooting myself in the foot LOL! You’ll have to let me know about your next meal and this inspiration 🙂

  48. Mike, oh Mike. You had me hooked to every word. Way to go!

    • Thank you, Marcia! I don’t know if should go that route again with a food post. While it was fun not sure if I should make that a featured vernacular. Still debating 🙂

  49. Very daring…and dangerously delicious. You also made it look fabulous. Multi-talented…and Phoenix said you couldn’t cook. 🙂

    • I know right on Phoenix eh, Jennifer? He of little faith lol! Thank you so much for the compliment! 🙂

  50. I was not expecting chicken. Clearly, I paid no attention to the title. At any rate, I love the path you lead me down. Bravo. And I’m calling Phoenix for the deets. Cute post. Kinda made me hungry.

    • LOL well then I guess I did pretty good with the diversion. It was a lot of fun to do and I so appreciate that compliment, Mandi! Yes, Phoenix is always more than happy to dime me off. Man’s Best Friend…thrrpt! 🙂

  51. Hilarious! Love the narrative…and um…it’s time for lunch so I could go for some of them chicken strips myself…I hope Phoenix got a taste!

    • Oh sweet, I’m so jazzed you liked it Corinne! They were really good and they freeze/reheat wonderfully. No, Phoenix doesn’t get people food…at least not intentionally lol 🙂

  52. A totally delightful read… you did this so well! An now of course I am smiling… and longing for chicken strippers myself! 🙂

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