When you’re a kid, you can make friends anywhere you go. As soon as you’re paired in gym class or running around at a playground, you’re embarking on your latest friendship. But adult friendships aren’t so easy. With plenty of priorities competing for your time, it’s hard to be a good friend.
Don’t worry, though. Not all hope is lost. With a bit of effort and some knowledge, you’ll be well on your way to being an incredible friend. Here are a few ways to get started:
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1. Be Supportive
While it’d be great if everything were sunshine and rainbows all the time, that’s not reality. When times get tough, it’s often the hardest time to be a good friend. You’re left wondering what you can do to help your friend feel better without overstepping. At the same time, you want to provide enough support so they know you care. Finding that balance is key.
If this conundrum sounds familiar, you’re already proving to be a good friend! Thinking about how you can help a friend in a time of need is one of the best benefits friendship provides. You just need to direct your support so it’s intentional and impactful. The best way to do that is by tailoring your support based on what they’re going through.
When a friend experiences a big life change like having a kid, start a meal train to make adjusting easier. Providing dinner means they have one less responsibility to worry about that day. When a friend loses their job, take them to coffee and let them vent. When a friend is ill, look for get well soon gifts that can help them feel better. The goal is to boost their spirits and show that you care. That kind of effort is what makes for great friendships.
2. Celebrate Milestones
Everyone has a few key life events that stand out despite time passing. Graduation, promotions, and getting married are a few. A big part of those memories is the people you celebrate with. So, if you want to up your friend game, ensure you’re involved in the celebratory activities for milestones.
When your friend graduates, make the effort to attend their graduation party, if you can. When they get promoted at work, take them to dinner or send flowers. When they get engaged, hop on a video call to congratulate them face-to-face and send a card. Go the extra mile to let them know you’re happy for them each time they reach a new milestone.
This goes a long way in friendships. You get the satisfaction of being a source of joy and excitement for your friend’s accomplishment. Your friend feels celebrated and loved because you showed up for them. Friendships should be reciprocated, and it is just one example of that.
3. Focus on Listening
When you’re grabbing lunch or a drink with your friend, you’re likely catching up. You’re sharing life updates, what’s going on at work, and any struggles you’re encountering. However, if the conversation is one-sided, the friend who is left out can feel disconnected. That’s why being a good listener is a critical trait to being a good friend.
Sounds pretty simple, right? Unfortunately, it’s a harder skill to develop than you might think. The next time you hang out with a friend, pay close attention to who asks the most questions. If it’s not balanced, challenge yourself to actively listen to what they say and ask follow-up questions. Make eye contact and add thoughtful, relevant insights when appropriate.
Put your phone away and limit any other distractions, too. That kind of focus on the conversation at hand allows two people to bond. And that creates a solid friendship that can withstand the test of time.
4. Make Time to Hang Out
Despite your other priorities, it’s important to carve out time for friends. Doing so allows your relationship to grow. Plus, it ensures you stay in the know about each other’s lives.
This can be accomplished in a few ways. One option is having a dedicated friend night each week. You choose which day works for your schedule and plan a meal, phone call, or other activity with a friend. That way, you get to spend time with a friend each week and avoid long droughts of communication.
Another option is to have an annual trip or monthly get together on the books. Maybe you can’t get together every week, but you can surely carve out some time once a year. Try to make it a tradition! This time should be focused on bonding, making new memories, and growing your friendship. No matter how you fit it in, finding time to spend with friends is exactly what a good friend would do.
5. Remember Important Dates
It only happens once a year. You wake up on your birthday feeling roughly the same as any other day. But when texts, calls, and social media notifications start to flow in, you feel special. While you’re not necessarily tracking to see who, if anyone, forgets, a close friend not saying anything stands out. As such, part of being a better friend is remembering important dates.
This, of course, isn’t limited to birthdays. Big work celebrations or presentations, closing on a home, or any other anniversary of a milestone counts. These days stand out throughout someone’s life, so feeling celebrated and remembered goes a long way.
The easiest way to avoid forgetting is by developing a digital calendar system. Input all important dates — including your friend’s kid’s birthdays, too — with reminders. That way, you’ll be notified on the day of or the day before an important date. From there, you can plan a gift, text, or call to ensure the day is acknowledged. Your friend will feel special, and you’ll have an organized way to stay on top of everything.
Friendship is Blooming
Friendships, like any relationship, will have their ups and downs. No one is a perfect friend because it’s not possible. However, knowing which traits can make you a better friend is empowering. And you’ll end up with true friendships that will last a lifetime.